When we change the way we look at things, the things we look at change.
– Wayne Dyer
The way we feel (worried, sad, happy, excited and so on) is directly linked to where we choose to place our attention. You CANNOT control what is happening to you but you CAN choose where you place your attention.
Now take a moment to notice on how you are feeling before quickly reflecting on where you are currently placing your attention?
The same event can be seen from two different perspectives. We have the choice of viewing the world through a positive or negative lens. Now I’m not trying to take away the seriousness of the current Coronavirus situation nor pretending people don’t have a genuine reason to be feeling overwhelmed. But still, we still can direct our attention to focus on something that will help us to feel happier and calmer, rather than anxious and upset.
When we change the way we look at things, the things we look at change.
– Wayne Dyer
The way we feel (worried, sad, happy, excited and so on) is directly linked to where we choose to place our attention. You CANNOT control what is happening to you but you CAN choose where you place your attention.
Now take a moment to notice on how you are feeling before quickly reflecting on where you are currently placing your attention?
The same event can be seen from two different perspectives. We have the choice of viewing the world through a positive or negative lens. Now I’m not trying to take away the seriousness of the current Coronavirus situation nor pretending people don’t have a genuine reason to be feeling overwhelmed. But still, we still can direct our attention to focus on something that will help us to feel happier and calmer, rather than anxious and upset.
So let’s use me as an example. The event is me, at home, stuck inside with a teenager for the foreseeable future. A teenager whose vocabulary consists of “i’m going to my room”. “What’s for tea”. “I’m bored” and “life is not fair”. Oh and “mum where is my charger?” (That damn phone!!!). Ok so I can choose to view this as an experience that is likely to result in me divorcing my teenager (is that even possible). That she is going to drive me wild for the next x weeks and my life is going to consist of me cooking and cleaning up after a stroppy teenager. Just thinking about that is enough to give me a headache! OR I can choose to use this time to reconnect with her. Because if I’m perfectly honest – before all this all happened. Life kinda got in the way. I was busy with work, busy with more work. Dying my grey hairs away trying to hide the result of the busyness already mentioned with work. Or TRYING to spend time with said teenager with her clearly demonstrating the normal behaviour of a teen where she would much rather spend her time doing ANYTHING but with her mum.
But now we don’t have a choice. So one event and I have two ways of looking at it. I can drive myself insane focusing on how hard it is going to be. Or I can choose to explore how I can make this into an opportunity. So yeah, us being locked under one roof. It actually gives me an amazing opportunity for us to really get to know each other again – without, well, real life getting in the way. We can bake. We can learn Tik Tok dances (probably the less said about this the better!!). Lets move on quickly… We made lip balms. We’ve discussed started a little business for her selling said lip balms. We can slob out watching TV together. Eat food together (ok actually maybe eating food shouldn’t be on here judging by the expanding direction of my waistline). We can talk. Yes she is actually talking to me. I know parents of other teenagers may be disagreeing with me at this point saying- nope teenagers don’t speak, they just grunt!! But yes – we are actually TALKING!!
So let’s use me as an example. The event is me, at home, stuck inside with a teenager for the foreseeable future. A teenager whose vocabulary consists of “i’m going to my room”. “What’s for tea”. “I’m bored” and “life is not fair”. Oh and “mum where is my charger?” (That damn phone!!!). Ok so I can choose to view this as an experience that is likely to result in me divorcing my teenager (is that even possible). That she is going to drive me wild for the next x weeks and my life is going to consist of me cooking and cleaning up after a stroppy teenager. Just thinking about that is enough to give me a headache! OR I can choose to use this time to reconnect with her. Because if I’m perfectly honest – before all this all happened. Life kinda got in the way. I was busy with work, busy with more work. Dying my grey hairs away trying to hide the result of the busyness already mentioned with work. Or TRYING to spend time with said teenager with her clearly demonstrating the normal behaviour of a teen where she would much rather spend her time doing ANYTHING but with her mum.
But now we don’t have a choice. So one event and I have two ways of looking at it. I can drive myself insane focusing on how hard it is going to be. Or I can choose to explore how I can make this into an opportunity. So yeah, us being locked under one roof. It actually gives me an amazing opportunity for us to really get to know each other again – without, well, real life getting in the way. We can bake. We can learn Tik Tok dances (probably the less said about this the better!!). Lets move on quickly… We made lip balms. We’ve discussed started a little business for her selling said lip balms. We can slob out watching TV together. Eat food together (ok actually maybe eating food shouldn’t be on here judging by the expanding direction of my waistline). We can talk. Yes she is actually talking to me. I know parents of other teenagers may be disagreeing with me at this point saying- nope teenagers don’t speak, they just grunt!! But yes – we are actually TALKING!!
So let’s use me as an example. The event is me, at home, stuck inside with a teenager for the foreseeable future. A teenager whose vocabulary consists of “i’m going to my room”. “What’s for tea”. “I’m bored” and “life is not fair”. Oh and “mum where is my charger?” (That damn phone!!!). Ok so I can choose to view this as an experience that is likely to result in me divorcing my teenager (is that even possible). That she is going to drive me wild for the next x weeks and my life is going to consist of me cooking and cleaning up after a stroppy teenager. Jeez just thinking about that is enough to give me a headache! OR I can choose to use this time to reconnect with her. Because if I’m perfectly honest – before all this all happened. Life kinda got in the way. I was busy with work, busy with more work. Dying my grey hairs away trying to hide the result of the busyness already mentioned with work. Or TRYING to spend time with said teenager with her clearly demonstrating the normal behaviour of a teen where she would much rather spend her time doing ANYTHING but with her mum.
But now we don’t have a choice. So one event and I have two ways of looking at it. I can drive myself insane focusing on how hard it is going to be. Or I can choose to explore how I can make this into an opportunity. So yeah, us being locked under one roof. It actually gives me an amazing opportunity for us to really get to know each other again – without, well, real-life getting in the way. We can bake. We can learn Tik Tok dances (probably the less said about this the better!!). Lets move on quickly… We made lip balms. We’ve discussed started a little business for her selling said lip balms. We can slob out watching TV together. Eat food together (ok actually maybe eating food shouldn’t be on here judging by the expanding direction of my waistline). We can talk. Yes she is actually talking to me. I know parents of other teenagers may be disagreeing with me at this point saying- nope teenagers don’t speak, they just grunt!! But yes – we are actually TALKING!!
Now I’m not for a second going to pretend that I’m not going to get mad with her at any point. I’m not going to pretend that there will be times she is doing my head in and I just want some space. I’m not going to pretend that she is suddenly going to stop leaving her clothes in the bathroom and that we are going to suddenly become best buddies. I’m not going to pretend that suddenly I’m this perfect parent and member of society that is 100% going to focus on the positive in a situation, ALL OF THE time. Because that’s not likely is it – for anyone. BUT overall – I DO have the choice to look at the bigger picture and reframe the situation so that I can see an opportunity (which will make me feel good) rather than a really sucky situation (which will make me feel bad).
So now your turn – look at your situation and try to see if from two different perspectives.
Write the situation down and look at it from a 3rd person perspective. In other words pretend the situation written on the paper in front of you is your friends situation. Reframe it. What could you advise your friend so that she/he could see more opportunity or positivity in it. Grab onto anything positive at all. No matter how small. And then try to expand on it.
Or maybe you are like me and this is a great opportunity to really reconnect with your children. I love my daughter more than anything in the world but If I’m truly honest then we are a million miles away from where I would like our relationship to be. And therefore like I said before. I am not taking away from the severity of the situation going on. Nor am I oblivious to the distress many people will go through during this time. But if I place my attention on that, not only am I going to feel sad, anxious and worried, about something that ultimately is out of my control. But I am also going to miss out on an opportunity where I can become closer to the one person who means everything to me. My daughter.
Here are a few exercises to help bring you into the present moment so that you have more choice of where you place your attention. How are you feeling at the moment? On a scale of 1 to 10 – with 1 being asleep and 10 being highly anxious?
Take a moment to spend a few moments and turn your attention inwards. Sit down somewhere comfortable and close your eyes. Now pay attention to your body. Start at your feet – feel the ground beneath you and anchor yourself as you imagine yourself sinking deeper into the chair that you are sat on. Then move your attention to your ankles, your legs, knees, and thighs. What do you notice? Any tension may be that you didn’t notice before? Or anything else. Don’t judge it and just let it go. Before carrying your attention up to the next body part. Your bottom. Your tummy. Your chest. Then your shoulders. Pay close attention to how each body part feels. Does it feel heavy or light, warm or cold? Tense or relaxed. Or anything else. Just notice, don’t judge. Be curious. Now take your attention to your neck, your face, your ears and then your head. Visualize any tension rising out like a bright white light through the top of your head and into the room around you.
Or maybe you are like me and this is a great opportunity to really reconnect with your children. I love my daughter more than anything in the world but If I’m truly honest then we are a million miles away from where I would like our relationship to be. And therefore like I said before. I am not taking away from the severity of the situation going on. Nor am I oblivious to the distress many people will go through during this time. But if I place my attention on that, not only am I going to feel sad, anxious and worried, about something that ultimately is out of my control. But I am also going to miss out on an opportunity where I can become closer to the one person who means everything to me. My daughter.
Here are a few exercises to help bring you into the present moment so that you have more choice of where you place your attention. How are you feeling at the moment?
On a scale of 1 to 10 – with 1 being asleep and 10 being highly anxious?
Take a moment to spend a few moments and turn your attention inwards. Sit down somewhere comfortable and close your eyes. Now pay attention to your body. Start at your feet – feel the ground beneath you and anchor yourself as you imagine yourself sinking deeper into the chair that you are sat on. Then move your attention to your ankles, your legs, knees, and thighs. What do you notice? Any tension may be that you didn’t notice before? Or anything else. Don’t judge it and just let it go. Before carrying your attention up to the next body part. Your bottom. Your tummy. Your chest. Then your shoulders. Pay close attention to how each body part feels. Does it feel heavy or light, warm or cold? Tense or relaxed. Or anything else. Just notice, don’t judge. Be curious. Now take your attention to your neck, your face, your ears and then your head. Visualize any tension rising out like a bright white light through the top of your head and into the room around you.
Or maybe you are like me and this is a great opportunity to really reconnect with your children. I love my daughter more than anything in the world but If I’m truly honest then we are a million miles away from where I would like our relationship to be. And therefore like I said before. I am not taking away from the severity of the situation going on. Nor am I oblivious to the distress many people will go through during this time. But if I place my attention on that, not only am I going to feel sad, anxious and worried, about something that ultimately is out of my control. But I am also going to miss out on an opportunity where I can become closer to the one person who means everything to me. My daughter.
Here are a few exercises to help bring you into the present moment so that you have more choice of where you place your attention.
How are you feeling at the moment? On a scale of 1 to 10 – with 1 being asleep and 10 being highly anxious?
Take a moment to spend a few moments and turn your attention inwards. Sit down somewhere comfortable and close your eyes. Now pay attention to your body. Start at your feet – feel the ground beneath you and anchor yourself as you imagine yourself sinking deeper into the chair that you are sat on. Then move your attention to your ankles, your legs, knees, and thighs. What do you notice? Any tension may be that you didn’t notice before? Or anything else. Don’t judge it and just let it go. Before carrying your attention up to the next body part. Your bottom. Your tummy. Your chest. Then your shoulders. Pay close attention to how each body part feels. Does it feel heavy or light, warm or cold? Tense or relaxed. Or anything else. Just notice, don’t judge. Be curious. Now take your attention to your neck, your face, your ears and then your head. Visualize any tension rising out like a bright white light through the top of your head and into the room around you.
Now take 60 seconds to listen to the sounds around you. REALLY LISTEN. What can you hear? Now listen beyond your immediate surroundings and notice what else you can hear when you mindfully place all of your attention on the task of just – listening.
Now take 3 slow mindful breaths. Notice the oxygen as you breathe in through your nose then out through your mouth. Visualize the oxygen as it reaches every cell in your body. Notice the temperature changes as it comes in your nostril.
Now take 3 mindful yawns. This is one of the fastest ways to reduce neurological stress in the brain and body. I want you to do these yawns 10 x slower than you naturally want to. Really FEEL the muscles around your mouth as you go into the stretch and place all your attention on the rush of air as you move through the yawn.
Now ask you How are you feeling at the moment? On a scale of 1 to 10 – with 1 being asleep and 10 being highly anxious?
Repeat the above process if still feeling particularly anxious.
Now ask yourself – Where are you going to choose to place your attention for the rest of the day?
All my love. Nicola
Now take 60 seconds to listen to the sounds around you. REALLY LISTEN. What can you hear? Now listen beyond your immediate surroundings and notice what else you can hear when you mindfully place all of your attention on the task of just – listening.
Now take 3 slow mindful breaths. Notice the oxygen as you breathe in through your nose then out through your mouth. Visualize the oxygen as it reaches every cell in your body. Notice the temperature changes as it comes in your nostril.
Now take 3 mindful yawns. This is one of the fastest ways to reduce neurological stress in the brain and body. I want you to do these yawns 10 x slower than you naturally want to. Really FEEL the muscles around your mouth as you go into the stretch and place all your attention on the rush of air as you move through the yawn.
Now ask you How are you feeling at the moment? On a scale of 1 to 10 – with 1 being asleep and 10 being highly anxious?
Repeat the above process if still feeling particularly anxious.
Now ask yourself – Where are you going to choose to place your attention for the rest of the day?
All my love. Nicola
