Even the strong have a breaking point

Are you normally a strong resilient character but struggling with overwhelm during the recent pandemic?

As professionals, experts and leaders, we normally have this default ability to rise above the chaos and create order and direction in a given situation. As leaders, we are usually able to naturally fall into this role of helping others find opportunity, clarity and calm in an otherwise chaotic and overwhelming state of affairs.

However, the uniqueness of the current circumstances may be causing even the most optimistic of personalities to be feeling overwhelmed, emotional and periodically out of their depth.

If you are finding it difficult to tap into your usual strategies and thought processes, the ones that you may normally use on a day-to-day basis in your life and with your clients: I’ve written this blog to help you understand where these negative feelings may be coming from.

Even the strong have a breaking point

Are you normally a strong resilient character but struggling with overwhelming feelings and emotions during the recent pandemic?

As professionals, experts and leaders, we normally have this default ability to rise above the chaos and create order and direction in a given situation. As leaders, we are usually able to naturally fall into this role of helping others find opportunity, clarity and calm in an otherwise chaotic and overwhelming state of affairs. However, the uniqueness of the current circumstances may be causing even the most optimistic of personalities to be feeling overwhelmed, emotional and periodically out of their depth.

If you are finding it difficult to tap into your usual strategies and thought processes, the ones that you may normally use on a day-to-day basis in your life and with your clients: I’ve written this blog to help you understand where these negative feelings may be coming from.

First I am going to explain how the current pandemic could be causing wobbles in even the strongest of people. Ok so firstly it doesn’t matter how much of an optimistic person that you are. It doesn’t matter how many opportunities you have identified through that blurry lens on the horizon. It doesn’t matter how many times you have successfully reframed the situation so that you are genuinely grateful for the good that may come out of it all. The truth is that this whole pandemic also reflects UNCERTAIN TIMES and a degree of HELPLESSNESS lingering in the background. There is no manual written on how to handle this. We have NEVER lived through a situation where the entire world has come to a halt. That in itself is pretty overwhelming for anybody who stops to think about it. ANYONE! Therefore, even if on a surface level you are feeling pretty chilled about the situation, you cannot get away from the fact that the whole situation does have an aspect of uncertainty and helplessness to it that is bubbling underneath the core.

Now let us focus on you for a second. Many of our leadership qualities were born off the back of a struggle that we have personally been through. Many of us have LIVED through whatever it is we are trying to help others progress through. We have EXPERIENCED the struggle, SUFFERED the overwhelm, FELT the pain. And having come through the other side much stronger, we now use that wisdom and experience to help others do the same. And even if you don’t coach other people through something that you have personally lived through, as many as 1 in every 5 people in the population have lived through some form of traumatic event earlier in their lifetime (a traumatic event is defined as an uncontrollable event that happened to us, regardless of our wishes and wants, and has had a large negative emotional impact on us).

Why am I bringing up past trauma? What has that got to do with the current events that are going on now and the negative feelings you are going through in the present? The problem is, that for many of us, the deep-rooted uncertainty that is surrounding the current pandemic may be actually triggering implicit memories connected to earlier traumatic events that occurred earlier in our lifetime. An implicit memory is sometimes referred to as an unconscious memory and is a long-term memory that uses our past experiences to remember things, without us actually thinking about them in our conscious awareness.

First I am going to explain how the current pandemic could be causing wobbles in even the strongest of people. Ok so firstly it doesn’t matter how much of an optimistic person that you are. It doesn’t matter how many opportunities you have identified through that blurry lens on the horizon. It doesn’t matter how many times you have successfully reframed the situation so that you are genuinely grateful for the good that may come out of it all. The truth is that this whole pandemic also reflects UNCERTAIN TIMES and a degree of HELPLESSNESS lingering in the background. There is no manual written on how to handle this. We have NEVER lived through a situation where the entire world has come to a halt. That in itself is pretty overwhelming for anybody who stops to think about it. ANYONE! Therefore, even if on a surface level you are feeling pretty chilled about the situation, you cannot get away from the fact that the whole situation does have an aspect of uncertainty and helplessness to it that is bubbling underneath the core.

Now let us focus on you for a second. Many of our leadership qualities were born off the back of a struggle that we have personally been through. Many of us have LIVED through whatever it is we are trying to help others progress through. We have EXPERIENCED the struggle, SUFFERED the overwhelm, FELT the pain. And having come through the other side much stronger, we now use that wisdom and experience to help others do the same. And even if you don’t coach other people through something that you have personally lived through, as many as 1 in every 5 people in the population have lived through some form of traumatic event earlier in their lifetime (a traumatic event is defined as an uncontrollable event that happened to us, regardless of our wishes and wants, and has had a large negative emotional impact on us).

Why am I bringing up past trauma? What has that got to do with the current events that are going on now and the negative feelings you are going through in the present? The problem is, that for many of us, the deep-rooted uncertainty that is surrounding the current pandemic may be actually triggering implicit memories connected to earlier traumatic events that occurred earlier in our lifetime. An implicit memory is sometimes referred to as an unconscious memory and is a long-term memory that uses our past experiences to remember things, without us actually thinking about them in our conscious awareness.

First I am going to explain how the current pandemic could be causing wobbles in even the strongest of people. Ok so firstly it doesn’t matter how much of an optimistic person that you are. It doesn’t matter how many opportunities you have identified through that blurry lens on the horizon. It doesn’t matter how many times you have successfully reframed the situation so that you are genuinely grateful for the good that may come out of it all. The truth is that this whole pandemic also reflects UNCERTAIN TIMES and a degree of HELPLESSNESS lingering in the background. There is no manual written on how to handle this. We have NEVER lived through a situation where the entire world has come to a halt. That in itself is pretty overwhelming for anybody who stops to think about it. ANYONE! Therefore, even if on a surface level you are feeling pretty chilled about the situation, you cannot get away from the fact that the whole situation does have an aspect of uncertainty and helplessness to it that is bubbling underneath the core.

Now let us focus on you for a second. Many of our leadership qualities were born off the back of a struggle that we have personally been through. Many of us have LIVED through whatever it is we are trying to help others progress through. We have EXPERIENCED the struggle, SUFFERED the overwhelm, FELT the pain. And having come through the other side much stronger, we now use that wisdom and experience to help others do the same. And even if you don’t coach other people through something that you have personally lived through, as many as 1 in every 2 people in the population have lived through some form of traumatic event earlier in their lifetime (a traumatic event is defined as an uncontrollable event that happened to us, regardless of our wishes and wants, and has had a large negative emotional impact on us).

Why am I bringing up past trauma? What has that got to do with the current events that are going on now and the negative feelings you are going through in the present? The problem is, that for many of us, the deep-rooted uncertainty that is surrounding the current pandemic may be actually triggering implicit memories connected to earlier traumatic events that occurred earlier in our lifetime. An implicit memory is sometimes referred to as an unconscious memory and is a long-term memory that uses our past experiences to remember things, without us actually thinking about them in our conscious awareness.

Is there a certain scent that automatically makes you feel overwhelmingly happy and on further investigation it takes you back to a happy childhood memory or person? Or does the smell of cookies suddenly flood you with emotion, and conjure childhood memories of cooking with your mother? These are positive examples but it also works the other way too. And because of the nature of implicit memories, we can very often be negatively triggered without being consciously aware of what is happening: Therefore experiencing reactions that very often we do not understand. For example, a person may walk into a room and see a design of wallpaper that was very similar to a room that they were abused as a child. The person suddenly feels very frightened but is unable to connect the two events so cannot understand what is happening. Or the morning after you’ve mutually agreed to break up with your partner, you lie in bed feeling absolutely overwhelmed and panicked by a sense of being all on your own. The break up was no big deal and you know it was the best thing for both of you; so why do you feel like you cannot cope? The thing is, you do not understand that you have been triggered by the unconscious memories of abandonment in your childhood and the feelings you are experiencing in your body are effectively a flashback of the original trauma that happened many years ago.

So back to the current situation: As professionals, we are still only people. As experts, we still have feelings. As leaders, we still have fears. And, a lot of us will have lived through traumatic events in our past. Therefore as we reflect on the uncertainness of the current pandemic, even if these thoughts are not directly in your conscious awareness, it can trigger a response that causes an implicit memory of any earlier negative experiences (where you also experienced uncertainty and helplessness etc.) to resurface. The memory may come to your body as a series of overwhelming emotional feelings rather than a series of thoughts. So say for example the original trauma involved lots of negative overwhelm, sadness, tenseness of the body and chest and other strong emotional reactions, you may experience the exact same thing in the here and the now as if the original memory was playing out in the present.

Without an understanding of yourself, and how the past can influence your present, you will be unlikely be able to consciously connect the two. All you will know is that you are feeling pretty awful with a whole load of emotional and physical sensations happening all at once. Feelings and sensations that very often don’t make sense and you may not be able to control. At this point our self-critic may also be in overdrive, calling you a whole host of names such as pathetic, weak and other equally negative self-chatter that really is not helpful in regards to the way that you feel.

Ok, so now I’m going to explain what’s happening in your brain during the scenarios that I have described above. This will further help you to understand WHY you may be experiencing what you are going through, which in turn can help to turn down the volume in regards to the intensity of the emotions in the moment.

So back to the current situation: As professionals, we are still only people. As experts, we still have feelings. As leaders, we still have fears. And, a lot of us will have lived through traumatic events in our past. Therefore as we reflect on the uncertainness of the current pandemic, even if these thoughts are not directly in your conscious awareness, it can trigger a response that causes an implicit memory of any earlier negative experiences (where you also experienced uncertainty and helplessness etc.) to resurface. The memory may come to your body as a series of overwhelming emotional feelings rather than a series of thoughts. So say for example the original trauma involved lots of negative overwhelm, sadness, tenseness of the body and chest and other strong emotional reactions, you may experience the exact same thing in the here and the now as if the original memory was playing out in the present.

Without an understanding of yourself, and how the past can influence your present, you will be unlikely be able to consciously connect the two. All you will know is that you are feeling pretty awful with a whole load of emotional and physical sensations happening all at once. Feelings and sensations that very often don’t make sense and you may not be able to control. At this point our self-critic may also be in overdrive, calling you a whole host of names such as pathetic, weak and other equally negative self-chatter that really is not helpful in regards to the way that you feel.

Ok, so now I’m going to explain what’s happening in your brain during the scenarios that I have described above. This will further help you to understand WHY you may be experiencing what you are going through, which in turn can help to turn down the volume in regards to the intensity of the emotions in the moment.

So back to the current situation: As professionals, we are still only people. As experts, we still have feelings. As leaders, we still have fears. And, a lot of us will have lived through traumatic events in our past. Therefore as we reflect over the uncertainness of the current pandemic, even if these thoughts are not directly in your conscious awareness, it can trigger a response that causes an implicit memory of any earlier negative experiences (where you also experienced uncertainty and helplessness etc.) to resurface. The memory may come to your body as a series of overwhelming emotional feelings rather than a series of thoughts. So say for example the original trauma involved lots of negative overwhelm, sadness, tenseness of the body and chest and other strong emotional reactions, you may experience the exact same thing in the here and the now as if the original memory was playing out in the present.

Without an understanding of yourself, and how the past can influence your present, you will be unlikely to be able to consciously connect the two. All you will know is that you are feeling pretty awful with a whole load of emotional and physical sensations happening all at once. Feelings and sensations that very often don’t make sense and you may not be able to control. At this point our self-critic may also be in overdrive, calling you a whole host of names such as pathetic, weak and other equally negative self-chatter that really is not helpful in regards to the way that you feel.

Ok, so now I’m going to explain what’s happening in your brain during the scenarios that I have described above. This will further help you to understand WHY you may be experiencing what you are going through, which in turn can help to turn down the volume in regards to the intensity of the emotions in the moment.

When we have been triggered we may suddenly find ourselves in the middle of an emotional response (so you may be feeling overwhelmed, anxious, panicking, heart rate up, sweating, etc.). At this point, your central executive network (your prefrontal cortex and the parts of your brain used during rational and logical thinking) effectively TURN OFF. Meaning that the default mode network, a part of your brain that is responsible for your imagination, creative thinking and making predictions for the future (both positive and negative) is free to go wild. The fears, worries and negative thinking that you experience during these emotional episodes are a mixture of your imagination and past memories. In other words, they are NOT real – they are creative predictions for the future based on imagination and negative experiences you have had in the past.

When we have been triggered we may suddenly find ourselves in the middle of an emotional response (so you may be feeling overwhelmed, anxious, panicking, heart rate up, sweating, etc.). At this point, your central executive network (your prefrontal cortex and the parts of your brain used during rational and logical thinking) effectively TURN OFF. Meaning that the default mode network, a part of your brain that is responsible for your imagination, creative thinking and making predictions for the future (both positive and negative) is free to go wild. The fears, worries and negative thinking that you experience during these emotional episodes are a mixture of your imagination and past memories. In other words, they are NOT real – they are creative predictions for the future based on imagination and negative experiences you have had in the past.

In other words the underlying themes signifying this whole coronavirus Pandemic Could be triggering traumatic memories, which are below your conscious awareness, of an event that happened earlier in your life.

These unconscious memories may be causing extreme emotional reactions in your body that can make you feel overwhelmed, frightened and out of control. Without an understanding of yourself, and how the past can influence your present, you will be unlikely be able to consciously connect the two. This then has the effect of making you feel worse as you cannot understand what is happening.

So, if you are normally a strong, positive character and you have been becoming increasingly frustrated with your current inability to cope – initially GIVE YOURSELF A BREAK.

There is probably a LOT more going on in your mind and body than you realise.

A LOT more than just a virus…..

Having SUCCESSFULLY OVERCOME the devastating hold that trauma has had on me all my life (childhood trauma caused emotional blockages that caused me to struggle with high functioning depression and self-sabotaging behaviours all through my teens, 20’s and early 30’s) understanding WHY I was FEELING or BEHAVING in a certain way was the first step towards HEALING and finally becoming FREE of its burden.

If you would like some 1 on 1 support to help you process your feelings from the past so you can finally become FREE of its torment. Contact me to book a Combined Neurocoaching / Emotional Learning session today

All my love. Nicola x

In other words the underlying themes signifying this whole coronavirus Pandemic Could be triggering traumatic memories, which are below your conscious awareness, of an event that happened earlier in your life.

These unconscious memories may be causing extreme emotional reactions in your body that can make you feel overwhelmed, frightened and out of control. Without an understanding of yourself, and how the past can influence your present, you will be unlikely be able to consciously connect the two. This then has the effect of making you feel worse as you cannot understand what is happening.

So, if you are normally a strong, positive character and you have been becoming increasingly frustrated with your current inability to cope – initially GIVE YOURSELF A BREAK.

There is probably a LOT more going on in your mind and body than you realise.

A LOT more than just a virus…..

Having SUCCESSFULLY OVERCOME the devastating hold that trauma has had on me all my life (childhood trauma caused emotional blockages that caused me to struggle with high functioning depression and self-sabotaging behaviours all through my teens, 20’s and early 30’s) understanding WHY I was FEELING or BEHAVING in a certain way was the first step towards HEALING and finally becoming FREE of its burden.

If you would like some 1 on 1 support to help you process your feelings from the past so you can finally become FREE of its torment. Contact me to book a Combined Neurocoaching / Emotional Learning session today

All my love. Nicola x